Feminist Movement of the Decade?

Sooo.. there’s this walk that has been considered the feminist movement of the decade…

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I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across a nude picture of Amber Rose, which did not surprise me by far. Then I noticed the amount of comments under the picture and I was like, I bet these comments full of thirsty men BUT to my surprise, many people were praising her because apparently her nude picture was a reflection of her upcoming Amber Rose Slut-Walk. 

Amber Rose Slut-Walk? Yes, same thing I said. Initially I’m like what in the foolery is a Slut-Walk, why does this exist, and who is responsible?

Well, the Amber Rose Slut-Walk is a walk dedicated towards breaking down gender stereotypes. The walk is catered t1435605795737o women of all demographics, where they can participate in the slut-walk by wearing whatever they please. The main point Amber Rose is trying to make is that women ought to be able to wear what they want without being stigmatized by societal labels or otherwise becoming victimized.

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Amber Rose also sponsors the Slut-Walk for her own personal experiences. Everyone knows Amber Rose is a beautiful, fine woman, therefore she takes pride in flaunting her body however she wants, even if it includes her being nude. Amber Rose, who also is a victim of slut-shaming says it is time to put an end to shaming women based on what they wear or how they look. But she also has added that women are no less than men and should be able to do what men can do, thus breaking down the double-standard….

Now personally, that is where I draw the line. Just because men do it, does not necessarily mean women should do it. However, us as women should embrace who we are and understand our purpose. We were not put on Earth to compete with the complexities of men.

I’m all for empowering women to stand up against derogatory labeling, and stigmatization, slut-shaming, etc. however, there is a way to go about doing it without making it seem like women can be just like men. I also add that, I am against victimizing women and labeling them based on their appearance. Just because she is wearing it does not mean she wants the D and that is just real. However, we cannot control what people think until they interact with us. That’s just the way it is.

However, I applaud Amber Rose for taking such a huge step, and standing up for what she believes in. And with that being said….

The cup is empty, Blk Coffeeee.

I Am HUMAN

I used to be the person who would paint a perfect picture of how fine I am doing or how okay I am. But, I learned a long time ago that the picture you paint, will eventually fade away…

As a young girl, I used to worry worry worry about the little things. Then, I would hear adults telling me, Girl you too young to be stressed out or depressed, you have a whole life ahead of you. Well, I may be young, and God may bless me with a life of longevity, but I am HUMAN. It does not matter if things are little or large, if it worries me or gets me so concerned that I fall into a state of depression, then it affects me more than you think.

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I REFUSE to get caught up in a world that turns a blind eye to mental health because it is something serious. I previously posted about mental health among the Black community and my people, Mental Illness is REAL, WHAT YOU THOUGHT?! I blog about a variety of things, but guess what, when I blog, I blog for myself as well. Some things I write are the very things I look back to read. 

I often hear the phrase, God helps those, who help themselves, and from that you get different interpretations. For me, as someone who often falls into deep depression, I look to God for help. Philippians 4:13 is a scripture that I wholeheartedly believe in, and I will say that it gives me a great feeling to know that when I am weak, God will lift me and give me the strength to continue in the path that He has set for me. 

But, if you ask me the question, How are you doing Nicole?, I will reply, I am doing fine and I am okay. I choose to answer this way because although depression succumbs me sometimes, I know at the end of the day, I will breakthrough.

The cup is empty, Blk Coffeeee.

The Petty Argument

*Sighs* You ever find yourself logging on to social media, whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram and you come across the infamous argument…..

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PWI stands for Predominantly, White Institutions, and HBCU stands for Historically Black College or Universities. I can honestly say that when I was deciding on which university to pursue my undergraduate studies in, I took several factors in, but the MAIN factor I considered was FINANCES. I looked into what I could afford, and I looked into the programs they offered, along with the city the school was located in. Previously having insight to the university I chose to attend, McNeese State University in Lake Charles, LA, it made the decision even better once I settled in for the next four years.

Well, little did I know, I did not know it was such a HUGE DEAL whether I chose to attend a PWI or an HBCU, until I clicked on the popular hashtag #HBCUVSPWI on Twitter one day. I was like, whoa, wait a minute. I instantly went into defense mode because for one, I attended a PWI, and two, YOU NOT GON’ COME FOR ME because I chose a PWI. What  I find the most disturbing about the debate is that, DRUM ROLL PLEASE……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… it’s BLACK PEOPLE ARGUING WITH OTHER BLACK PEOPLE ABOUT WHICH TYPE OF INSTITUTIONS THEY ARE ATTENDING.

Like do we ever get tired of arguing among each other over liberties that once upon of time was forbidden territory for people like us. So what if your experience at a PWI or HBCU was better than someone else’s. There are so many things that colleges and universities offer which cater to different types of students. No one’s college experience will be the same as the next. All I CARE ABOUT, is making sure we all walking to get our degrees once commencement comes around. I mean, that is the whole point. The HBCU vs PWI debate is played out! Find something else to entertain yourself with. There is nothing unfortunate about attending a PWI just as well as nothing unfortunate about attending an HBCU. The goal is to WIN regardless. 

I have visited a few HBCUs over the past years and I will admit the experience is quite different, but guess what, I loved every moment of being on those campuses just as much as I like being on my own campus. The ultimate goal for attending any college is to do what we have to do to graduate, that is all. All this in between madness is uncalled for, and just like this debate, it is UNNECESSARY. 

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Like, for real. Chill.

The cup is empty, Blk Coffeeee.

5 Reasons Why Black Lives Don’t Matter

At first, I was not going to post this blog post BUT I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to share my opinions, and I’m sure other people can vouch for some of these as well. 5 Reasons Black Lives Don’t Matter does not HAVE TO DO WITH ANOTHER RACE… here’s why…

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1. We are NOT SERIOUS

We preach this we preach that but half the time we do it for show and for credit for saying such things. We can’t preach anti-racism sentiment but we turn around and do the same thing because it was done to us. We have to RISE above it!

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2. We are KILLING ourselves

Well, it is true. Before someone goes off the whim about black on black crime, do note that I am saying the defense of Black on Black crime does not justify the killing of any Black person by someone of a different race (sighs, glad I got that out the way). No, what I am saying is, the rate of Black on Black crime has gone up over the years. The violence HAS to STOP! We killing each other over stuff that we can’t even take to the grave with us. It’s NOT WORTH IT!

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3. Crabs in a BUCKET

Baby we LIVE! No no no no noooooooooooo, there is no WE! Why? Because some of us cannot stand the success of our peers. I yearn for the day we can all say congratulations without any underlying feelings of jealousy or adversity, or whatever. We would rather hold each other down, or better yet put each other down so far that we become crabs in a bucket. We have to learn how to clap our hands for the next person. We all want to make it in life, but why does it hurt so bad to see the next person wanting to do the same? Someone may say, well who created the bucket, which is another argument for another day.

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4. We Do Not VALUE Ourselves!

As a young girl, I was brought up in the church where I was taught to LOVE everyone unconditionally. I was also taught to value myself on all levels, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Why is it that some of us appear not to care about ourselves? I feel like some of us take for granted the very air we breathe let alone appreciating the fact that we have lungs to breathe. Some of us carry ourselves in a negative light. We eat, breathe, and sleep the stereotypes! Just because you’re Black does not mean you’re not human. We have to take care of ourselves.

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5. And to be real….we some LAZY folks.

I just mentioned stereotypes in my previous opinion BUT I will say some Black people just lazy. We fight against racism, discrimination, prejudice, but we also EXPECT since these things “supposedly” don’t exist, we want things to be handed to us. I think sometimes we forget that if we want to be treated equally, we STILL have work to do. I don’t know about you, but I, personally, am not looking for a handout. I want to work my way up to say I deserved it. Yes, we run into obstacles, but that’s just resistance.

I was inspired to write this post because I honestly believe that Black Lives Matter could be something wayyyy bigger than what it is, but us Black folks (including myself), we have to clean up our acts. We need to dust off our front porch and stop worrying about someone else’s. I support the message of Black Lives Matter, no doubt. However, I will not turn a blind eye to the problems in my own village.

The cup is empty, Black Coffee.

Where’s the UMPH?

Sometimes, we see a small object or something that may stimulate us and get us going. That is a feeling of inspiration when such an object or concept can get your wheels turning. What happens when that sudden inspiration fades? 

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As someone who gets easily inspired by the little things, I want to build on what inspires me at a moment’s notice, hence blogging. I enjoy blogging, it gives my readers a piece of me to share with them. However, it is easy to become uninspired when things do not go as we expect. I do expect people to get a good read in when they visit my blog, but I also expected my blog to boom. It has not boomed yet, so I have been a little uninspired lately to write, but something happened. I did something for myself to become inspired again, and that was go back to the purpose of blogging. It is something I LOVE to do and it gives me JOY. See, I was too busy focusing on the external when my insides were yearning for me to get back to the central reason I began blogging. 

I believe the message of my testimony of becoming uninspired can be related to many other testimonies of others. I think we get so caught up in moving fast and trying to keep up with other things that we forget it is a process. For all my readers who aspire to become authors, athletes, successful business folks, and so forth, realize that wanting to do all those things are an inspiration in itself. The excitement of getting up each day to do what you want, but love doing what you want to do is inspirational, even when it does not seem so. Do not spend time comparing yourself to those who may have reached their goals, because at the end of the day, you are on your way to your full potential. Be inspired to become an inspiration.

The cup is empty, Black Coffee.

 

From one Fishbowl to the NEXT!

So…


Well, as someone who graduated high school 6 years ago (2011), the transition from high school to college was nerve wrecking. It’s like going from one fishbowl to the next, but in this particular fishbowl, I was the little fish at the bottom longing to get to the top. 

In this particular post, I just wanted to share a few preparation tips that I, too utilized in preparing myself for the TRANSITION (tran-zishun). 

First, I made sure I was fully accepted into the university I wanted to attend. Makes no sense to prep if I have not been accepted. Secondly, I made sure all my ducks were in a row (i.e. secured financial aid). Thirdly, I packed up all my belongings and brought them with me on move-in day! 

Uhhh! No, it’s not that simple.

So, that was my experience in a nutshell, but here are the REAL USEFUL TIPS.

1. Make sure all your school stuff is situated. (i.e., application fees, acceptance, housing [if needed], financial aid, scholarships, etc.)

2. Google is your best friend! Use it, google does not mind. Many people have fancy dorm rooms, but the amount of money spent to decorate a dorm room can be used toward a textbook. I suggest keeping it simple and comfortable. 

3. Tuition and fees usually covers you being able to use computer labs and printing as much as you choose, but I find it easier to have your own computer or laptop because these places fill up easy. 

4. Make sure you bring your own groceries to college upon moving in! It is cool to want fast food, but guess what!? Money spent on fast food could be definitely used to pay a lab fee or something!

5. Take advantage of SOCIAL MEDIAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (I think) are booming with people who may have something in common with you such as YOU ARE ATTENDING THE SAME UNIVERSITY! Use hashtags that may help you find someone who may be coming to the university and begin to share your transition with the next person! Trust me, both of you may have the same questions or concerns about starting college. You may find someone with the same major as you. It helps you get to know people before you even start college. 

These were just a few tips on preparing for college. Everybody’s transition will not be smooth but it is okay to gain insight into the how-to’s and what-if’s of transitioning to college. 

The cup is empty, Black Coffee🖤☕️

The Taboo of the Black Community

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What is it? Does it make you weak? Are you silent about it? How do you really feel? Or do you even know how you are supposed to feel? Does it make you feel embarrassed? Are you ashamed? Is it ACCEPTED?

Acceptance, oh how we yearn for acceptance by all humankind but somehow, it is NEVER enough. We get so caught up trying to be accepted that we forget who we truly are as individuals, UNTIL trauma occurs. 

I was inspired to bring awareness to MENTAL HEALTH in the Black community. I recently watched two YouTube videos concerning mental health among Black people and both speakers made some valid points. 

Dr. Michael Lindsey of the NYU Silver School of Social Work focused on how mental health is affected by traumatic events in Black people’s lives. He touched on how slavery, which many of our ancestors experienced, plays a major role in how we react to the traumatic events of today. Another interesting facet I took from his video is how the church plays a pivotal role in relieving mental health issues among the Black community. The church equates to a safe haven for people to become relieved of their issues by being surrounded by like-minded individuals who empower them. Click the link below, and watch as Dr. Michael Lindsey uncovers some significant issues the Black community faces, regarding mental health:

Dr. Michael Lindsey

Another video, which definitely hit home for most of us (hence the title of my blog post), by Maia Noelle discussed how mental health is a taboo among the Black community. She starts off with making a comparison of the perception of mental health among White people versus Black people. For example, when Dylan Roof murdered 9, Black people attending a church service in South Carolina, there was a general consensus that he had a mental issue. However, if it was flipped around, say for instance Dylan Roof was a Black male that did the same thing, he would be considered a blatant criminal, or worse a monster. BUT, why could the Black Dylan Roof not be diagnosed with a mental illness instead? 

BECAUSE IT IS A TABOO FOR MENTAL ILLNESS TO EXIST AMONG BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!

I bet you are wondering who made this up……. It is us! We act like it is a taboo to have a mental illness, so we put up this front to make it seem like we are okay when we are NOT OKAY. Maia Noelle made more valid points throughout her video, but this is the major point I am speaking on. Many people are in denial of how they really feel and want to make themselves okay, when they are indeed not okay. I am not perfect BECAUSE I DO IT TOO. I have to admit, I am affected by many events in my life that I have yet to come to terms with. My heart feels like it skips a beat everyday when I think about traumatizing events I have experienced in my life. The questions I put at the beginning of this blog post were for a reason, because we seriously have to ask ourselves, ARE WE OKAY? 

We need to do more talking. We are hiding. We cannot allow the stigma of mental health to defy us. 

The cup is empty, Black Coffee

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This picture was taken by Kimber Amadi during a 2014 public awareness campaign titled “Behind the Stigma”. This campaign was sponsored by the Black Students Health Association at UC Berkeley.

NO-SEX ZONE!

Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex! Feels like SEX is everywhere! I just have a little spill that I want to wipe up right fast, I will not hold you too long! How many females or males have decided to put up a temporary sign of closure on their sex lives by a raise of hands, or likes on this post? (lol). 

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Let’s talk, abstinence and celibacy right quick! First off, who knows the difference? Many people use the two interchangeably because of course both entail refraining from sexual behaviors. Time to stimulate you right quick on the CORRECT meaning of the two….

ABSTINENCE = abstaining from sexual behaviors for personal reasons such as physical, emotional or other mental incapacities (abstinence is not a disease)

When someone is practicing abstinence, they are doing so for a variety of reasons. Some common reasons for individuals practicing abstinence

  • Fear of sexually transmitted diseases
  • Feelings of inadequacy 
  • Wanting to focus on themselves
  • Feeling unworthy
  • Waiting for that special someone

These are just a few of the reasons people choose to abstain, however it varies from one person to the next. 

Celibacy = refraining from sexual behavior for religious and/or spiritual reasons (typically connected to religious views — also not a disease)

There are individuals who choose to refrain from sexual behaviors for religious reasons such as marriage. There are some religions that have set guidelines or shall I say principles in regard to when individuals should participate in sexual behavior. 

A journey of abstinence and celibacy is not easy for people who have or have not participated in sexual behaviors. Some people joke around with the two concepts, but there are some people who take it serious. With societal pressures such as social media, peer pressure, and just a culture that has made sex a symbol of acceptance, many people who have chosen to abstain from sex through abstinence and/or celibacy do face adversity when trying to continue with their decisions. 

If you or someone you know is deciding to or have discussed abstinence or celibacy and are considering it, do some research. Search for testimonies on the Internet or YouTube to make sure that it is something you truly want to partake in. Find books that can help guide your decision. 

The cup is empty, Black Coffee

Culture Vulturesssss

Yes I said it! Culture Vultures! Hello welcome to Black Coffee where it’s Controversial Thursday! Today I decided to spill about Cultural Appropriation. Okay as a black woman who has worn her hair in many styles from a younger age up until now on down to the style of clothes I wear and things I say, I find it offensive when I run into people of other races or ethnicities taking my style (from my Black Heritage) to transform it into something totally different. 

Culture appropriation occurs when an individual(s) take certain elements from a different culture for any other purpose than to show appreciation for that culture. For example, many people are wearing Dashikis for fashion while some people are wearing them for appreciation. 

It gets even worse when the same individuals who have degraded a race of people for wearing certain hairstyles, go and take those same hairstyles, wear them, BUT change the name of them to something different, YET IT IS STILL THE SAME STYLE! Who are you kidding? Yourself. 

Exhibit A, baby hairs was clearly a hairstyle element used within the Black culture, but some people called it ghetto….. yet a “privileged” individual can wear it and it be considered “higg fashion”, you vibing now? 

**Sighs** There is a CLEAR ISSUE with cultural appropriation and each year it seems to get worser. I understand the world is only so big and that some cultures spill over into the next, but when does BORROWING becomes STEALING. Culture vultures exist and they are clearly out to steal what is not theirs to begin with. 

It is up to us to EDUCATE people on the importance of all elements of our cultures! When people KNOW then they will understand the uniqueness of what separates one culture from the next and begin to APPRECIATE those elements. 


The cup is empty, Black Coffee🖤☕️ 

MEME ALERT 🚨 

 Iyanla Vanzant’s Inspirational Tweet for Twitter Tuesday

Iyanla Vanzant has her own show on the Oprah Winfrey Network titled, “Fix My Life”. It is definitely a show worth watching as it encourages individuals through their life trials and tribulations.

I chose this particular tweet because many times we start something then we stop. For example, it is almost summer time, and many people start health and fitness journeys. Lots of people do not stick through the routine of eating healthy and working out because they get discouraged. Why? Because they look for results immediately, but guess what, the world was not created in a day so one cannot expect results after a day of working out and eating healthy. Everything is a PROCESS. It takes time to mold or transform ourselves. 

We have to TRUST THE PROCESS. Here is the formula to trusting the process: Belief + Purpose + Love = Trusting the Process. We must BELIEVE we can do it. We have to become well acquainted with our purpose because it makes no sense to do something or try to adjust ourselves not knowing why we are doing it in the first place. Most importantly, we have to love ourselves through the process even if it means losing BUT the gain is much more rewarding ….. Which is why we must TRUST THE PROCESS. 

The cup is empty, Black Coffee🖤☕️